Hobby Struggles

I’ve had an inkling it was true but now I know for sure. Despite filling my days by reading about, talking about and playing video games… I suck at them.

Two things have brought about this realisation. The main one was mother-flipping Bloodborne. The internet warned me it was a challenge, that it was only for the most dedicated of gamers. But surely that would include me, a guy who games probably more than anyone in his social circle. Nope, nope it does not. I’ve always avoided the Dark Souls games and then Bloodborne because of how difficult people said they were. I cowered away but eventually decided to man up and face my fears. Or I found a pre-owned copy for £8 and thought “eh.” You decide. 

The first enemy I met tore me a new bumhole, but that’s ok because I was still in the learning stages. No frustration yet. That death put me in a dream section with random demon dudes handing me weapons. Then I got frustrated… I had just been handed a gun and an axe but yet my hands were empty. I had to fudging Google equipping weapons. I couldn’t eve work the menus. This was not a good omen. After that I got back and killed a werewolf, then ventured on and took down some creepy townsfolk. So much atmosphere in this game and its gothic horror tone was pulling me in. Then I died. Then I came back and tried again. I died. Got a little further, died. Youtubed someone else playing it. Came back to the game, died. Ate a bag of Haribo, tried again. Died. Watched some of the Eurovision Song Contest, realised that was more tortuous and went back to the game. I died. 

I have quit that game. I hang my head in shame. The other game that’s been confirming my gaming crapness recently; Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. It’s completely different of course and I’m still loving it but dear me I’m not actually that good. Not when pitted against other people around the world. Unlike Bloodborne it’s not kicking my ass repeatedly, no it’s a more devious shamer. This game hands me gold trophies in its cups and when I race against friend’s I’m pretty much always first. I get cocky when playing others locally and with my confidence sky high I then partake of the online modes against randoms globally. Now what the duck is going on here?! Why did I finish 11^th/8^th/etc etc How are these people so good? Does this mean… I’m not good?

Shaken to the core, I turn it all off. So much time and money spent on this hobby and it was for nothing. I have failed as a person.

Or it doesn’t really matter? Yeah probably that less dramatic answer. It bugs me that I’m not acing these games but then I think of other hobbies and if the same logic was applied most of us wouldn’t be doing them. I love cooking and generally messing about in the kitchen but I’m not entering Come Dine With Me or wondering where my Michelin Stars are. I also like writing these here blogs but I’m not pretending that the writing style of a mand-child on a sugar rush should be published on some popular website you’ve heard of. I enjoy games but I suppose I don’t have to be good at all of them.

Games aren’t all the same of course, there’s a blooming huge variety of games all requiring different skillsets. I’m not bad at platformers or action/adventure games. I can tear through a room of demons in Bayonetta but I can’t pull off basic moves in Street Fighter. I can time my jumps in Donkey Kong Country to a lovely rhythm but I can’t survive three minutes in Call of Duty. The closest comparison I can think of is sports, those bizarre hobbies ill have nothing to do with thanks. I know people that swim, run and row. I doubt they’re all amazing at rugby or the high jump. 

So my point… I’m rubbish at a lot of games, but not all of them. Being so obsessed with one hobby doesn’t mean that every facet of it is for me. Or in simpler terms, do what you like. Enjoy what’s for you and know when to quit what isn’t. I’ll be playing some Mario Kart today, probably offline. Better for my nerves that way.

The GotG 2 Review

I like Guardians of the Galaxy 1 more than the sequel. Let’s just get that statement out of the way because I expect to be asked it a fair whack. Of course I also happen to think the first film is a genuine masterpiece, its character arcs, visuals and soundtrack combining as a vibrant elixir of happiness I’ve dunked my face in multiple times. The second film probably couldn’t ever have matched that.

But hey… That doesn’t mean it’s not fricking awesome. It’s utterly superb as well and could just be the second best Marvel film behind its predecessor. Admittedly I was worried for a little while that it wouldn’t even be that good. The opening credits that turn a fight scene in to a smile inducing cuteness are superb but after that I felt a bit empty for a while. The jokes weren’t clicking with me and a spark seemed to be missing. Drax in particular gets some lines that felt forced and more annoying than witty. This subsides and as the film hits its stride and I found him funny again. Not that the jokes were better, they were just sandwiched between more quality and it was all getting munched through a lot quicker.

The film clicked for me with a scene that finds an emotional hook and delivers a sweetness to Starlord’s character. Don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying Peter becomes reunited with his dad. This film is about family and what that means. Not just between Peter and Kurt Russell’s Ego, his long lost father. Two relationships from the original get explored in more detail here. Gamora and Nebula, daughters of Thanos and sisters who clearly don’t get on. Peter and Yondu, the kidnapped kid and the guy who could have eaten him all this time but didn’t. Outside of those the whole gang get their own moments of emotional realisation. As the stakes escalate and the screen gets filled with laser blasts and punch ups, it’s those character moments and relationships that really make this film epic. 

Not so much for Baby Groot admittedly. His role is comic relief, and cuteness, and damn coolness. I love that little guy and if you don’t too then we shouldn’t be friends. Plus he’s a baby and clearly loved by all his teammates. That’s enough of a character arc. 

What haven’t I covered without spoiling anything… The soundtrack isn’t as good. Like not even close. Not bad by any means but can’t see it being memorable. The new characters work well and I’d be happy to see Mantis continue the strange yet endearing friendship with Drax. Gamora continues to be the most gorgeous green skinned woman ever. The finale includes two fantastic references that had me grinning from ear to ear. Not spoiling, but there’s a videogame joke I predictably adored and then Peter and Yondu deliver the best lines of the film when talking about a certain Disney classic. My wife and I really laughed out loud there. 

We both loved it and both left the screen in smiles despite it being after 2am when our screening finished. It is infectious, it is sweet, its tense and it’s hilarious. It’s a really fun two-and-a-bit hours (which I’ll probably spend like 50 hours of my life rewatching) Bring on the third, you beautiful rascals. 

My time with Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Stand still and stare at any enemy in game you’ve ever played. If they see you, they come for you. Stand still in Zelda when facing a Lynel (half lion/half horse or horse faced centaur) and make sure your weapons are sheathed. He will stare back and wait, pondering what you’re up to. Then pull out your sword… And watch that burly git either draw his bow or come charging at you full pelt. You’re in a for a butt-whooping.

I start with that moment because it encapsulates so much of Zelda. It is a game built of moments and of a world that is ridiculously detailed, that lives and breathes and will constantly amaze you. Don’t mistake this for a review of any kind, I’m three weeks late to that party. This blog is fulfilling my need to talk about this game and to share my thoughts with some folks who might be interested (because my wife really isn’t). It’s going to biased and gushing and I don’t really care. I fricking loved Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

Early impressions revolved how pretty it looked, how fun climbing was and a little bit of ‘well this is different.’ Being let loose on this giant green world with no hint of where to go was intriguing and daunting in equal measure. The first task was to find some shrines and after two I went back to the only other character looking for help. I can’t remember the exact words now but in my head all I can here is ‘work it out yourself you big baby.’ I was useless. I play games regularly, I’ve played all the 3D Zeldas and here I was, utterly useless. The trend continued for hours, and hours… This game doesn’t play like others. Games in general have rules and similarities, you know when you start most new titles where you can and can’t go, how other characters and your surroundings work. You know what you can and can’t climb, what will and won’t break. You know a lot because this is your hobby. Until Zelda. You now know nothing.

And that’s fun. It really is. So much of my time was just spent in amazement at how everything worked and what I could do. Equipped with a glider you can jump off cliffs and glide obviously.  Dry grass can be set on fire obviously. Wait-a-minute why does it look like hot air is rising from that burning grass? What if I open my glider and…. Oh I’m blooming shooting up in the air like a kids lost balloon. You beauty.

It’s raining, it’s stormy and in the distance I can see lightning strike. I think again about how cool this looks, about how a change in weather makes a nice change of style. Then I get struck down by a bolt from the sky and I curse the gods of Nintendo. This doesn’t seem fair, I’m just walking about… Or is it because I’m carrying a metal shield and sword on my back? Hmmmm... Later in the game I’m being chased by a bunch of seven-foot jerks through another storm. In any other game I turn and fight or I run away. But not here. I stop and throw a bunch of swords on the ground then run a little bit forward. Those jerks pick up some and walk over others. Kaboom! Struck down and fried. I am laughing.  

Im not alone of course, if any of you have played it then you’ve had your own experiences of toying with this world and its physics. I’ve seen loads of examples. Part of the fun with playing Zelda now is that I get to read and see what others are up to. I’ve viewed puzzles I solved being tackled in completely different ways and I’ve read about characters and side quests I haven’t even found. My twitter feed has been a Zelda filled stream of epicenes (along with the usual political malarkey). No two players have had the same experience and that only adds to the beauty of this game. It is there to be tackled however you like with most of it being completely optional. Do whatever you find to be fun. Then go watch other people online having more fun with it. A strangely social experience.

I finally beat Ganon yesterday and called my time on the game. I’m not going to say I finished because that’s something I’ll never do. Of 120 Shrine quests I found 74. Of the 900 Korok seeds I found 59. Fifty Nine! I played that game for over 70 hours and I found 59 of the 900 optional environmental puzzle things. Luckily I’m not an obsessive completionist. I have had my fun. I step away from it on an absolute high.  

The puzzles, the battles, the climbing, the cooking, the cross dressing… Yeah really. I could write ten blogs on my time with this game and still miss something. It was about exploring and discovering and I've found more enjoyment form it than any other game I've played. Hopefully you’ve picked up that I was quite fond of it. It has been the highlight of my favourite hobby. Can't praise it any more than that.

Five Days with my Nintendo Switch

It is here. Whispered about for ages, revealed in October and finally unleashed on march 3^rd. There now resides under my TV a new baby, my ickle Nintendo Switch.

 Flip me its tiny. You’ve probably read that, heard that and maybe even watched the unboxing vids. I know I did but that still didn’t stop me opening up the box last week and saying “what the..?!” It’s about the size of a Kindle with a controller either side that’s probably less than half the size of a Wii remote. Take them off and attach to a grip and you’ve got something resembling the standard ps4/xbox controller, but again in really tiny form. It’s blooming gorgeous. Go google image it, or YouTube it, or even better just buy the damn thing…  

It plays games!! Bet you didn’t know that. So far mine has primarily been used as a Zelda machine. I’d imagine most switch owners are saying the same thing. Two reasons for that; Zelda is utterly amazing and everything else isn’t. I bought three of the five retail launch titles. Two of those are currently on ebay awaiting a new home. Bomberman is Bomberman, a simple party game for up to four players that I’d probably keep if it had cost me £10. For £40 I just can’t see me using anywhere near enough. The story mode felt awkward to control and a bit tedious. The multiplayer kept my mates entertained for all of five minutes before they wanted to see something else. And that’s it really. Can’t call it terrible but it’s instantly forgettable. 

1-2-Switch is that game you’ve probably seen bits of already. The cow milking game will live online forever in the form of GIFS. We tried it drunk and it did get a laugh, albeit mainly due to sexual innuendos being chucked about as friends competed to show their best wrist action. Fake Draw was funny, a game in which you stare each other out Wild West style and wait for the announcer to cry fire. Simple and effective. The same can’t be said about most of the rest. Some of the mini games had us scratching our heads at how to play, others had us play them before asking “what was the point?” It’s not a videogame at all really, more like a Nintendo rival to board games and the current crazes of Speak Out and Splat Face. In that respect you might see it as worth keeping. I did not. Again I couldn’t see it being used for any more than half an hour maybe twice a year. Another problem I found was that it’s really dependant on everyone watching and listening whilst the two folk play. Get eight people in a room with alcohol and make them not have their own conversations. You’ll struggle, and you’ll also be a friendless numpty. 

Back to Zelda then. Oh my, this is a wonderful experience so far. The scale of the world and the level of interaction available is incredible. Climb anything, go anywhere. Kill folk, cook stuff, ride horses, solve puzzles, glide through the air and just look in awe that the prettiness of it all. I absolutely love it. I love playing it on my TV and i equally loved playing it in handheld mode whilst my wife watched reality TV gubbins beside me. I’ll love taking it on a train and playing it on my lunch break in work too, but it’s too new and shiny for me to take it outside. My baby’s not ready for its first outdoors excursion yet. 

Next up for it… More games. I regret not buying Fast RMX but I’ll correct that this weekend. I might pick up SnipperClips to after the demo charmed me. It’s a two player puzzle game that requires co-operation to progress. Didn’t go that well with a hungover wife, but I’m hopeful it’s fun with less impatient types. And after those? Hard to say to be honest, the immediate future looks indie game heavy but that’s no bad thing (SteamWorld Dig 2 and Runner 3 look superb) then the rest of the year has Mario Kart, Mario Odyssey, Splatoon 2 and plenty of surprises. E3 in June should be particularly fun (I need Metroid)

So all in all… I’m enjoying it so far. It’s a nifty bit of tech, the slickest and most un-Nintendo like of Nintendo devices. It has one must have game to play and plenty more will come. Not a bad start at all and many seem to agree… Nintendo have reported today that its their best launch ever in USA and Europe. Keeping that momentum will be the interesting part, and hopefully the most fun for us game playing hobbyists. Exciting.