The Next Nintendo

Well there it is. After all that waiting, months and months of speculation and checking videogame news sites more frequently than I blinked… Nintendo showed off my next console purchase.

A three minute trailer showed just how the new Nintendo will fit in to my lifestyle. I regularly have swanky balcony parties and chat to random blonde ladies in airports. Ok maybe not that bit. The bit with a guy sitting on a sofa playing Zelda, that’s me. Still, the whole trailer was a welcome change from what Nintendo have dished out before. Think back to the Wii and Wii U advertising then watch this trailer again… Yeah that’s it, not a family in sight. No overly chirpy kids beating their dad at Mario Kart as he just accepts his crapness and lets the blighters win. Horribly unrealistic those ads.

This preview was filled with sexy young millennials playing games in apartments nicer than mine and with friends who seemed to like each other more than mine like me. All kinds of unrealistic madness there but by flip it was sexy. Just like the machine. Black and grey in colour, with a matte finish and those rounded corners. It’s the sleekest Nintendo device since forever and won’t look out of place in a market filled with PS4s and iPads. 

Which one of those is it competing against? Nintendo have stressed that this is their next home console, you just happen to be able to take it on the go. That feature sets it apart from their main stationary rivals and opens it up to a different audience, or even the same audience who want something unique to go with their PS4 (I’m in the second group) This is the dream second console. I love Nintendo and currently own both the 3ds and Wii U. Now both those machines will be replaced by one device that justifies its purchase when I’ve already got a PS4 under my TV (you have to justify every hobby purchase when you’re a grumpy 31 year old who has responsibilities and guff) 

The other audience I mentioned, outside of biased Nintendo fanboys like me, is folk who don’t have time to play 2 hours of Skyrim every night in front of their telly. Those people who like games but now play old SNES emulators on their phones or bits of Hearthstone on their tablets. Well how’s about this tablet with proper controls and actual freaking Mario Kart? Play it on your train journey, pick it up on your lunch and if you’ve got time after the gym and microwaving your dinner then pop your tablet in a dock and play again on your TV. Gorgeous.

The other tablet crowd are the Minecraft loving kids of today. How many kids do you know have a tablet? How many have an actual iPad whilst you’re looking at your bank balance and pondering if a Tesco Hudl is worth the money. These kids don’t know or care who Mario is. They aren’t growing up with Italian plumbers and tie wearing apes. Nintendo need to introduce them to these wonders, otherwise they’ll never become real people like you and me and the whole world will fall apart in a clusterfuck of stupidity and rage. A bit like now then but I’m assuming Brexit and Trump supporters weren’t allowed Game Boys growing up. 

If you’ve read all this and still don’t know what the new Nintendo actually is... Then you’re silly. Spend three minutes of your life using Youtube for something other than cat videos and watch this beauty….

Ok, you’ve seen it. You’re all caught up. Did you see those fricking seconds of a new Mario game? My heart skipped a beat. But… I can’t be all pro-Nintendo, let’s bring some balance to the proceedings. My first concern (after watching the trailer for the fifth time) is that button placement. The four buttons on each side are directly below the sticks. That doesn’t seem like a comfortable fit when gaming. Big concern two is a guess until Ninty say otherwise: This is the most powerful looking handheld console ever, to produce that kind of visual magic is going to require a lot of battery power. Some rumours are suggesting three hours. I pray to Pikachu that there’s enough electric here to last way longer than that. 

Other than that, I’m fricking excited. But then I was always going to be and my excitement means nothing when Nintendo’s involved. How excited are the rest of you? How intrigued are the people who bought a Wii nine years ago and never looked near its successor the Wii U (Nintendo’s worst performing console ever)? Five months till release. Save your Christmas money. I’d say make the Switch but that would make no sense at all and it’d be a blatant shoe-horning of the name in to my blog. I can’t think of a good pun using the name at all. Time I Switched off….

*groan*