I’ll start by clarifying that I don’t see myself as a film
reviewer, I just like talking about them. The reason I’m making that clear is
that I’m going to tell you everything that’s wrong with X-Men Apocalypse, then I’m
going to tell you to ignore me because I fricking loved it.
First half of this blog shall be spoiler free, because
telling you what I buzzed about is all spoiler-ific. Apart from Psylocke. Yeah
she was given about as much character as a box of porridge but they aced her
outfit and when she first showed her powers… I got goose bumps.
If you don’t know who she is then there’s a fair chance you
won’t enjoy this quite as much as me. It’s filled with stuff lifted straight
from the comics and old films, nods and winks to the folks like me who adore
this stuff and have to explain bits to regular folks after. Then there’s the
new younger versions of characters like Jean Grey and Storm that give enough
hints that they’re going to correct some mistakes of the films past. If you’ve
only seen the films then you probably didn’t know that Halle berry is a
fricking terrible Storm. I like the little bit we got of this new one though.
I’ve gone off on tangents here, and if I don’t start saying
what I didn’t like then I’ll have to rewrite the whole first paragraph. I get
excited, sorry…
The plot and villain are completely by the numbers and even
backwards. It lacks the cleverness or structure of Civil War or even Days of
Future Past. Bad guy shows up and does stuff until everyone meets up at the end
and fights him. Done. The character development that I’ve praised the X-Men
films before is a bit lacking too. There’s too many people here and not enough
for them all to do. Magneto is the big exception for a large part of the film (I’ll
not mention or think about his part in the finale too much). His best scene
comes early in the film, showing two sides of the character and the conflict of
who he really is. (The bit in the forest if you have seen it)
The main villain is Apocalypse and well he’s a bit guff. He
looks silly, he talks stupid and really he’s just there as an excuse to get all
the good characters together at the end for a big old punch up. His horsemen
suffer similar fates, with about two words said between but hey… Psylocke
looked ace.
Other problem was the script. Loads of it felt poorly
written with some really stiff dialogue and sentences that could be lifted the ‘Dummies
Guide to Writing Superheroes’ (the entire Batman V Superman script is in there).
Non spoilery stuff I did like: Jean and Scott. Hints at the
start of the relationship we all know will happen. There introductions in
general I loved to be fair, I enjoy seeing the young characters dealing with
hormones and genetically gifted superpowers at the same time. That’s part and
parcel of X-Men.
QUICKSILVER!! They repeat his nifty scene from the last film
but go way, way bigger. Original? Nope. Fun as all heck? Oh yeah…. Psylockes
outfit, Psylockes power. Oh I mentioned Psylocke? Just need to let her speak
more next time!! Otherwise she’s just eye candy and my reviews will sound like pervs
corner.
Erm that’s it, it probably sounds a bit crap now. But it’s got
all this other stuff!! Don’t read this bit till after you’ve seen the film…
*****SPOILERS AHEAD*******
Storm is introduced as a thief, just like in the comics. She
has an accent so let’s hope they don’t change it like Berry did over 3 films. And she just
looks a bit fiercer than Berry ever did. Storm in the comics was the obvious
leader after Cyclops, commanding respect and generally being an ass whooper.
Wolverine has a cameo in which he wears the Weapon X garb
from the old comic storyline. Eek!
Prof X finally having a psychic battle, that’s a film first
Jean Grey showing off the Phoenix. If you only know the
films then think back to Jean going bad in X-Men 3, although it really didn’t
do it justice. Hopefully they can now get it right in future films.
Magnetos use of that necklace
All the X-Men just teaming up at the end. It’s not original
or new but it’s how the X-Men should be.
****SPOILERS END****
Yeah I absolutely geeked out at this. Will I feel the same after
multiple viewings? Maybe not, but I don’t care. I’ll be too busy enjoying X-Men
7 and 8 etc. Now give me fricking Jubilee and do Rogue and Gambit justice. Please
Good blog ma man! As usual etc etc....although, you know what i'm going to say....Cant agree with you. I am shocked to the core that you think civil war is a smarter movie! This really is an outstanding movie, let your inner x-man geek come out, your alowed to be bias at times!
ReplyDeleteI am biased!!! Thats the point, haha!! Civil war is a better film but i enjoyed this more..
ReplyDelete